Whether you consider yourself a girly-girl, tomboy or somewhere in between, when it comes down to it, there are only two types of femininity: Dark and Divine.
In today’s society, we are all very familiar with Dark Femininity, even though we may not label it as such. This is the type of Femininity that is lionized in the media, by influencers and celebrities in popular culture. Nowadays, whether in online spaces or in public, Dark Femininity is glorified as the ideal type of Feminine, placing supreme focus on being seen as “sexy” and superior. Dark Femininity is competitive, judgmental, seductive, narcissistic, focused on material goods, wealth and looks, and is ultimately out to satisfy numero uno at all costs. This includes using sex and sexuality as a way to make money, and as a weapon, or bargaining chip.
On the flip side, Divine Femininity, or Sacred Femininity, is the true, authentic expression of the Female as it was originally intended by God. Finding her power in virtues, a Divinely Feminine woman is heart-centered, harmless, trustworthy, peaceful, nurturing, unconditionally loving, balanced and service oriented. A Divinely Feminine woman appreciates the true beauty of herself, as well as all other individuals, and understands the importance of maintaining authenticity. A Divinely Feminine woman accepts and loves herself as she is, and augmentation of the physical self or personality (false airs) is not necessary to suit societal trends, or the whims of other people.
To fully understand what Divine Femininity is, it helps to better understand what it is not, first.
Divine Femininity is not:
- Arrogant, narcissistic or brazen
- Flashy, does not flaunt, show-off, boast or brag
- Competitive or rivalrous
- Jealous or envious
- Animalistic or carnal
- Promiscuous or adulterous
- Destructive physically or emotionally
- Judgmental of others or the self
- Dishonest, deceptive or sneaky
- Forceful or aggressive
- Disrespectful, undignified, sarcastic or crude
So ask yourself, which type of Femininity are you currently embodying? Dark or Divine? For a long time, I was exhibiting a lot of Dark Feminine qualities, with moments of Divine Femininity sprinkled in here and there. I was ultimately a kind and good-hearted person, but I was also competitive with other women out of insecurity, mostly focused on myself, and had a habit of using seduction, charm and emotional manipulation to get the things I wanted and needed out of life. –but in 2016, I began to undergo a Divine Feminine Makeover, and started taking responsibility for the types of Dark Feminine behaviors that I had become consensual with out of fear and ignorance. Through this process, I discovered the importance and power of cultivating a lifestyle that is characterized by virtue, as well as sexual ethics. Through [brutally] honest self-reflection and the study of virtuous living, I learned how to rid myself of these Dark qualities, and I was able to begin changing my entire life for the better.
–but beware, there is a lot of fake “divine femininity” out there, too. It's very important to understand that Dark Femininity regularly masquerades as Divine Femininity. This is something I refer to as False Light. This brand of False Light aims to fool women into exploiting their bodies and sexuality, and living lifestyles that are characterized by promiscuity under the guise of body positivity, sexual liberation, and empowerment. This type of trickery can be found in many places, including social media, Hollywood, spiritual and New Age groups, truther communities, and inside of the self-improvement, fitness, and wellness industries. True Divine Femininity will not encourage you to expose and share your body and sexuality with the masses, only Darkness will do this. In reality, this type of exploitive Dark Feminine behavior allows things like human sex trafficking to hide in plain sight, especially online.
Dark Femininity will also encourage mindsets of superiority and entitlement, such as "Princess," “Queen” or “Goddess” complexes inside of family units and intimate partnerships. Many times, these mind-sets of supremacy go on to encourage and create unrealistic, and often one-sided, relationship expectations that are unfair and unreasonable. Males do not owe you anything simply because you are a female (or vice versa). All types of relationships must be based upon a firm foundation of mutual respect, courtesy and equality. Absolutely no one is more important, or more deserving than another, and no one should be treated as the other person's servant or minion. This also extends to the treatment of children. Helping and having daily chores is one thing, but requiring a child to cater to your every whim simply because you are their Mom, and “you say so/brought them into this world” is a Dark abuse of Feminine power that allows resentment to fester and grow, souring the sacredness of the Mother-Child bond.
Hyper-independent female attitudes and lifestyles are championed within Dark Feminine propaganda, too, as being an “independent woman” is now glorified to the extreme in mass media, music, and movies. Taking advantage of the pangs of past trauma and unresolved heartbreak, this “me, myself & I” type of rhetoric aims to degrade and devalue the family unit, often demonizes or belittles men as a whole, and ultimately works to hurt the mental health, and welfare of women by persuading them to believe they are better off alone. –but the truth is we do need help sometimes. Being independent of everyone 24/7 can impact you negatively, emotionally physically and spiritually. We are not supposed to be living life fully alone, and being unable or unwilling to accept affection or help when we need it is in fact unhealthy.
Attitudes of both hyper-independence and female-superiority cause imbalances to occur within the female psyche. These imbalances regularly encourage behaviors that are narcissistic, controlling and overly-masculine which can in turn send friends and loved ones running for the hills. This can also contribute to the inability for a woman to find or keep a proper romantic partner even when she actually wants one.
As I learned more about the two different types of Femininity, I challenged myself to begin integrating real Divine Femininity into my everyday life. I began examining each thought, choice, and action I was making, determining if it was Dark or Divine. When I found myself thinking or behaving in ways that were Darkly Feminine, I started asking myself “why” in order to get to the root of the problem. By doing this over and over again, I was able to lift the veil, identifying issues, past trauma and hidden fears that were keeping me stationed in Dark Femininity. Why was I wearing such a revealing dress? Why was I making this post, or sharing that picture? Why was I thinking, or feeling this way, and acting that way? Why was I pushing good people away from me? I even began questioning my own sexual preferences and motivations. In an extreme effort to be completely honest with myself, I was able to get to the source of my negative ego, sexual issues, fears and insecurities. Slowly, but surely, I was beginning to heal the Dark side of my Femininity. –but it was not easy, or emotionally comfortable, and it is still an ongoing process today.
When the Feminine healing process began for me, I was also going through my Nutritional Exorcism. I was dismantling my poor dietary habits, and uncovering the truth about my Femininity all at the same time. This is an extremely important part of the puzzle, because our brain and our gut are intrinsically connected. If your gut is loaded down with junk, you are going to have junky thoughts, which are more likely to encourage junky decision making and junky behaviors. –but as you begin eating better, and detoxing your system, you will also start thinking better, and as a result, behaving better and making better decisions. This is how we initiate whole-self healing, involving body, mind and spirit. Nutrition, physical health, mind-set, behavior –everything is connected within the system of the “self.” You can not truly heal without healing all aspects. –and this includes taking inventory of the type of Femininity you are expressing.
Whether you were born female or have transitioned, it should be understood that true Femininity is not measured by seductiveness, flirtatiousness or sex appeal. True Femininity is not defined by a particular look or style, either. –you don’t suddenly have to start wearing pink floofy dresses that are adorned with ribbons and bows, girly makeup or grow your hair past your butt. Your hobbies also do not define your Femininity. You can enjoy fixing cars or building furniture, etc while still being truly Feminine. In reality, Femininity is really about the quality of energy you exude from the inside. Embodying Divine Femininity means embracing and embodying gentleness, peacefulness, compassion, respectfulness, unconditional love and harmlessness as part of your mind-set and overall character. This doesn’t mean we become weak, or that we become doormats for people to take advantage of, it means we respect ourselves (including our boundaries) and others at all times. This in turn develops real strength. –strength of character, strength of mental fortitude, and strength of spirit. As we begin to heal and strengthen ourselves on the inside, the outside, meaning our physical body, appearance and behaviors, will naturally follow suit.
So, how do we do this? How do we begin to heal our Feminine energy, becoming stronger, respectful and harmless to ourselves and others?
The first major step is to stop competing.
When we begin to understand what Divine Femininity is, we come to realize that true beauty is abundant, unlimited and comes in many different forms, shapes and sizes. This teaches us that one person’s beauty does not take away from our own unless we let our insecurities trigger us into Darkly competitive mindsets. We must be appreciative, and welcoming of all beauty that is genuine, harmless and non-narcissistic, forgoing and overcoming urges to judge or compete with each other through displays of Dark Femininity, like outslutting. This means ridding ourselves of the mind sets of superiority and inferiority, including competitive behavior such as focusing on being “the best dressed” or “out-dressing” others. To be truly beautiful, inside and out, we must want, and allow others to be uniquely beautiful, too, without placing hierarchical value onto them or ourselves.
The same goes for wanting, and allowing others to be successful. Cattiness, sarcasm or any other type of negative response that disrespects, demeans or belittles someone else's successes or accomplishments is not acceptable. Being a “Mean Girl” is not acceptable. These types of reactions point to insecurities and fears that must be healed within the self as we move away from Dark Femininity, and forward towards repairing societal harmony, and gaining inner well-being.
Although we have been tricked into believing that Dark Femininity is empowering and “normal,” it is not. Dark Femininity is robbing us of what it truly means to a woman, friend, mother, wife and partner. Your true self is Divinely Feminine. –and it is never too late to resurrect true Femininity within yourself.
“Let it start with us right now. Even if the world does not change, at least we have.”
Are you ready for a Femininity Makeover? My new book OUTSLUTTED will give you the tools you need to begin performing your own Divine Feminine Makeover today. Get it HERE!