Last week I released my fourth book, OUTSLUTTED, and I sure hope the title was enough to get your attention, and spark your curiosity! By sharing personal stories of my successes and failures, OUTSLUTTED aims to help females stop competing with each other, break self-limiting habits and uncover their true identity, beauty and spirituality without judgment or shame for what they may have done in the past.
Through the power of asking “why,” OUTSLUTTED poses hard questions, while also shedding light on the current state of modern Femininity, its effects on society, and the generational consequences we face as we cope and contend with mass media, social influencers, Power Mongers, mind control and Dark sexuality.
Here’s a sneak peek to give you an idea of what this book is all about!
- Competing with others by exhibiting a suggestive appearance or demeanor, and seductive or sexually explicit behavior.
- Attempting to exert one’s self-perceived sexual superiority over another person or group.
- Inflicting feelings of sexual inferiority upon another.
To be outslutted
- Feeling sexually inferior to another person in terms of physical appearance, dress or in comparison to the way they behave and present themselves socially, whether online or in public.
“How can you be fully covered, but still look sexier than me?,” asked my exasperated best friend as she stood in front of me in her super short, cleavage-baring dress. Bound for a charity event, I was caught off guard by her comment because I was already busy fretting that I should have worn a different outfit because I thought she was the one who looked “sexier” than me, and I figured she would subsequently get more attention than I would during our outing together. I ignored her remark by giggling to hide the insecurity I was feeling, and we went on with our night just as we did every other.
Four years later, this superficially unimportant exchange came back to my memory, begging to be witnessed again with fresh eyes. If you had asked either of us at the time, we would have both considered ourselves to be one of the “classy” girls in town. Outwardly we appeared confident, we were polite, nice, knowledgeable and in our opinion, well-dressed. –but on the classy side or not, had we still somehow “outslutted” each other? –even with what we had then considered being conservatively-dressed for a charity event? –had we been silently competing on a daily basis for years? The answer was yes, and the questions kept coming. When did this start? –had our own underlying insecurities subconsciously caused us to attempt to outslut each other, and other females, too? What were we competing for? –attention? –adoration? –self-assurance? Did this vying behavior ultimately serve as an element to us growing apart as friends? Had outslutting each other become too tiring to keep up with? Were we unintentionally doing damage to each other psychologically? Had we fallen into some sort of consciousness trap where we had actually become rivals? The answer to it all was sadly yes.
Believe it or not, remembering this seemingly insignificant blip of a conversation is what jump-started my Feminine healing process, and it eventually led me to learn that when being “sexy” is valued over Love and true beauty, outslutting each other becomes an unspoken competitive sport where there is no real winner.
I didn’t fully understand it just yet, but once I recognized that the game of Outslutting was in play, I began seeing it and its effects everywhere, spoiling interactions and relationships at every turn. I’m sure “outslutting,” as I jokingly refer to it, is something we can all identify with, and have experienced in many different forms over the course of our lives. It can appear both as competition between friends or family, and can be caused by strangers who cross our path in public, in the media or online. For example, when you're out at a restaurant enjoying a nice dinner with your significant other, or are on a date– –you're having fun and feeling perfectly confident until a girl who is more suggestively-dressed than you struts past your table. That's it. That’s the extent of the interaction, but suddenly, the carefree-confidence you exuded all evening goes right out the window, and you’re left feeling “less-than” while silently screaming to your date “please don’t see her!” Yep, you’ve been outslutted. Of course, your sweetie usually sees this girl too, and the next time you go out in public you're naturally tempted to bare more skin, or wear a “sexier” dress so that you don’t end up feeling outslutted again. As silly as it may seem when we break it down, this is an act of self-defense, and we tend to think that dressing or behaving in a “sexy” manner will keep our partner, Love interest, or people in general looking at us, and not some other random chick. –and so it goes. As our wounded ego tries its best to defend itself, we become more focused on being seen as sexy or hot (which typically means conforming to manufactured societal ideals) instead of cultivating our own unique brand of true beauty, both inside and out.
Whether it's happening in some form or fashion online, inside of a bar or club, house party, out on the street, at your office or even at church, our fears and insecurities allow this feeling of being outslutted to occur. Our response to these fears of feeling inferior, such as wearing a “sexier” outfit to our next function or posting suggestive selfies online to gain emotional reassurance, many times goes on to trigger these same anxieties in others, and we ultimately become “the outslutter,” too.
Once I understood exactly what outslutting was, and that I was surely suffering from its effects, so many questions began forming in my mind, like what is causing this fearful behavior? Is it possible to heal ourselves from feeling the need to outslut each other? How can we break this dreadful cycle, stop competing with each other, and learn to revalue true beauty and femininity? I was determined to try to fix this problem within myself, but I had no idea that in order to answer these questions, and find real Truth and healing, I’d have to take a journey down the rabbit hole.
In 2016, my hometown of Baton Rouge, Louisiana experienced a great flood. Our home was affected, and due to being in the flood waters I contracted a severe intestinal infection, and became extremely sick. After the waters receded, I was unable to eat, was in great pain, and as my symptoms intensified there were moments where I honestly felt that I may have been dying. Doctors and antibiotics were unable to help me, and I was left to figure out a way to heal on my own. As I mustered the determination and courage I needed to keep moving forward, I began to undergo what I came to call a “Nutritional Exorcism.” What started as relearning how to eat a proper diet of organic foods, and using holistic healing methods to cure myself of the infection, soon turned into a complete makeover of my body, mind & spirit. As I took inventory of my life, I realized how unfulfilled I felt, and how this unhappy mindset was contributing to my illness, and my inability to heal physically. I ended up taking a deep-dive into learning about energetic healing which led me to begin meticulously examining every aspect of “me,” including my diet, mind-set, behavior and negative ego in order to “fix myself,” inside and out. I even wrote a book series about it entitled ‘Nutritional Exorcism.’
It was during this Nutritional Exorcism, and many hours of research that I learned most of our behavioral and negative ego issues can be traced back to personal trauma (physical or emotional) that we have endured at one point or another, many of which occur during our childhood and formative years. It’s tracking down these traumas, and having the courage to face and explore them that gives us the power and ability to overcome our own damage, and heal ourselves. In order to accomplish this we must acknowledge, take ownership and then forgive ourselves for our past actions, and the choices we’ve made that were ultimately fueled by the ill-effects of the trauma we’ve endured. No one else can do this for us. When we are able and willing to do this emotional work, we gain well-being and can change our life’s direction for the greater good of ourselves, and those around us. This is what I began to do on a daily basis.
As memories, fears and frustrations came up, I would try my best to look at them from a perspective of neutrality. Through neutrality and honesty, I was able to see both sides of situations, arguments or past experiences, and I was able to learn from them, and apply those lessons to new experiences moving forward. I also found that as my diet improved, my ability to find neutrality and overcome my reactionary tendencies improved, too.
A year and a half into the Nutritional Exorcism process, the memories of my best friend and I outslutting each other began coming back to me. This was a kick in the teeth, and I felt like I was starting at square one again. –but as uncomfortable as it was to look back at, I knew the only way to heal whatever it was that was surfacing was to push through the unpleasantness, and deal with it. Dealing with it, willingly, and not avoiding or blocking out the ugly Truth ultimately is what opened up a pathway that led me toward Feminine sexual healing, and has completely changed the direction of my life.
Not long after this part of the healing process began for me, my boyfriend and I moved from New Orleans, Louisiana to Hollywood, California. With our new home being near the Walk of Fame on Hollywood Boulevard, we enjoyed spending the sunny days and cool evenings strolling, and exploring our new surroundings. It just so happened that during the first few months of our move, the Broadway show Frozen was playing at the Pantages Theatre. Twice a day we’d see herds of little girls all dolled-up, and dressed to the nines in pretty bows and poofy princess-worthy dresses heading to see the show. I always enjoyed watching them excitedly bouncing by, while also noticing the huge contrast between how the grown ladies around them dressed and presented themselves. I began to wonder where exactly does this change from wanting to look “beautiful” to instead “sexy” occur for us? Does this have to do with being outslutted? Does everything change for us on the day we first endure this type of mental and emotional trauma? Is this when we begin seeing each other as sexual adversaries?
So, in digging into it, and being honest with ourselves with the intent to heal the hurt– Who outslutted you? –originally? Was it a friend, a rival, an actress in a movie, your sister or even your own Mother? –and who have you outslutted?
OUTSLUTTED is now available exclusively on Amazon & Kindle Unlimited.